A Processed Meat Product

This blog has a spam filter installed, which is great, because it’s been around long enough that it regularly attracts spam. Occasionally I like to go through it, and read some of the examples its caught. Today I’d like to share some highlights from the past 30 days.

For example, somebody calling themselves Latitude D505 Battery posted this comment in response to my recent brief RIP post:

“I will honor Gill Scott Heron’s legacy best by being consistent & continuing to move forward toward my vision unapologetically. thankyou”

Which is awfully sweet. Unfortunately your vision appears to be falsely representing yourself with the aim of promoting a laptop battery replacement website, which even someone with a passing understanding of Gill Scott Heron’s work will tell you was not one of his stated ideals.

Then about 90 minutes later I received a comment from someone with almost the same URL named Satellite 4600 Battery:

“Can sum1 pls tell the board of man utd its time for alex ferguson to go! Guardiola just proved what a crap manager alex actually is!”

What a great observation, Satellite 4600 Battery! Unfortunately, I don’t have much sway with the “man utd” board anymore. In fact, if you ask any of the other board members, they’ll deny I was ever one of them. So sorry buddy, I guess you’ll have to ask someone else. I can certainly appreciate the sentiment though. Being the mostly-successful manager of a successful football team that loses an important match means you are terrible person and terrible at your job, and should be fired.

On my post Yes to AV, rolex UK posted this interesting story:

“Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!”

Riveting stuff rolex UK, but some of these details don’t really make any sense. For example, hermit crabs are mostly aquatic, except in tropical areas, so unless you were in the tropics (and with a name like rolex UK, I suspect not) or you fished a shell out of the sea, then I highly doubt this event ever even occurred. You did remind me of one trick I like to do at the beach, which is to tell people that if they put their ear to the ocean they will hear the inside of a shell.

On Day 25 of the 30 Day Song Challenge series, Sabina was compelled to ask:

“Where is the facebook like button ?”

Well Sabina, unfortunately when I was born the Doctor made a mistake when he cut the umbilical cord, and I was left with a deformed facebook like button, so I don’t like to show it to people. If you really want to see it though, send me some money and I’ll send you some intimate photos.

Similarly, on the AV post, a possible-Australian named Sonia Barker made another Facebook-related query:

“Do you guys have a facebook fan page for thegrotto v4.3 | Yes to AV? I searched for one on the internet but could not find it, I’d love to become a fan!”

What is it with all this Facebook stuff all of a sudden? I am sorry to report that the reason you could not find the facebook fan page is that there is not a facebook fan page for thegrotto v4.3 on the internet Sonia. There is however a thegrotto v3.4 fan page for thegrotto v3.4, and this is it. If you’d really like to become a fan what you might want to do is close your facebook account and come hang out here every day instead. We can talk about all the great Australians I know. Rolf Harris. Daevid Allen. Steve Irwin… Um… Germaine Greer? Then you can send me some money, and I’ll send you little romantic airmail parcels full of cheap electronics. You’ll have to buy your own batteries of course. You and me were made for each other Sonia Barker. When we get married, Sonia Barker, this can be our song:

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