Thoughts (Part Two)


I don’t remember it ever being this hot when I was a kid. Is that screen memory, or was it in fact not as hot in the 80s and 90s? It is unbearable heat for the fair skinned, especially us “gingers”. What with the relentless heat and the risk of sunburn, I spend most of Summer as a troglodyte. It must be low 30s Celsius, no wind, no clouds – the horror. You see people out there baking themselves on their folding lawn chairs. How do they do it? Why? I’ve always found those people with ridiculous suntans grossly unattractive. Not that I’m some kind of model of beauty, but it astounds me that people actually want to look like that, and furthermore that other people then find it attractive, desirable in others.

What a heat. Nothing to do inside, nothing I can comfortably do outside. Relegated to the west-facing side of the house, excluding the conservatory-cum-solar oven, sat in the constant gale of a noisy fan blowing lukewarm air into my left ear. This is the life.

I think I’ve started seeing things. I swear I saw someone or something at the front door earlier greeting the dogs, and then in an instant, this multi-coloured blur vanished. Rory saw something too. Oscar joined in after the fact as he tends to, but Rory actually saw what I saw, not that I even know what it was. He wasn’t barking as he would with passers-by or people who post things in the letter box, he just seemed anxious to get out of the gate and investigate. Could have been a cat I suppose. Looked to me like a person in a colourful garment, a dress most likely. Well actually it looked like a dress, I didn’t really specifically see a person. Of course it might have been a trick of light. You know what? I regret even bringing it up.

Between the sun and light bulbs, I’m really coming to hate bright light. People have this sick fucking idea instilled in them from the monotheist pricks, who have steered the course of human destiny through genocide and persecution, that light is good and dark is evil. Darkness is simply an absence of light and is in fact the natural state of the Universe. Light requires energy to produce, darkness does not. I submit that if every binary system must be equated to the good-evil dichotomy, which it most certainly should not be, then darkness is in fact good, and light is evil, lest it was the monotheists’ intention to make the natural state of everything evil and make good only those who submit to the will of the almighty asshole in the sky. Actually, I’ve read enough to realise that was their exact intention. I mean, it’s in their literature. I’ve read all the pamphlets.

In fact, when you get right down to it, and I mean right down to it, maybe even under it, light can be an effective analogy for electricity in people’s lives. Back in ye olden days, people worked when the sun was up, and slept when it was down. Now people leave these artificial lights on everywhere because it’s convenient. They have their own portable sun in every room so they need not submit to the will of the natural order. It promotes a wastefulness and a disconnect from the world in which we are supposed to live; this I believe is the grand error of western civilisation.

Some might say it takes great arrogance to make statements like that. It’s funny and a little frightening how people tend to reduce statements like this to an individual human scale. You can’t look at things like this on a human scale. Well you can, and once again ladies and gentlemen, maybe that’s why people are so stupid.

What does one person matter? One person is nothing. Unless that person is you.

The imperative of an individual is to satisfy their own needs and desires. We are hungry, we eat. We are tired, we sleep. We are not the clothes, the house, the car, the furniture of our lives. We are the skin, the bones, the muscle. Everything that we feel in our lives, all the emotions and all the fears, everyone we will ever know and everything we will ever experience exists only in abstraction inside that lump of organic matter we call the brain. To the brain it’s electrical impulses, they fire on and off and on and off. To us it’s a vague hint of paprika, it’s the twisted corpse of a bird that crashed unknowingly into its own reflection in a conservatory window, it’s the caress of the rain as it rolls down our face.

We have evolved over millions of years to recognise ourselves for what we truly are, and yet we choose to live our pantomime lives, slaved to machines and to systems that we cannot fathom. It is the animals who, despite not knowing what we know, live the way they were born to live. Is to be human to be animal, or is it more? Is it numbers, letters, telephone networks, banks, corporations? Maybe it is less?

So I am a man, a member of the human race, I engage in society, with no understanding why, with no understanding of the way I was born to live. A pig is born on a farm, born to eat, to shit, to sleep, to die, and so it does.

Societal evolution has found itself a victim of good and bad choices made by our ancestors. Once our consciousness grew to question our purpose, we reached a fork in the road. One path would have led us to continue to live as we were born to – the other path, the one we have taken, has led us to step-by-step supplant nature, to replace the world we live in with goals and ideas in our own image. Gods are the product of a desire to humanise nature, to allow us to understand the world by shaping and bending it to our will.

Monotheism, the very concept of a singular God, is a product of our animal selves re-asserting its vital nature. It is our tribalism. This God is better than that God, you’re wrong, we’re right, you’re black we’re white…

Boy, it’s getting hot, the sweat is pouring out of me. I should take a shower or something.

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